Sunday, February 8, 2009

uncomfortable guest

OK, for those of you who don't know my Mother and I had been living with my aunt and uncle because my uncle has altzheimers. Let me tell you it was hell!! Not because of my uncle (he was wonderful, even with his altzheimers), but my aunt was and is crazy.....which I never saw until living with them.

Well about 6 months ago my uncle had gotten bad enough that Mom and I talked to my aunt about moving into an assisted living facility. We wanted her to put my uncle in an altzheimers unit where he could get the help he needed and my aunt wasn't so overwhelmed. She decided she wanted to move into this one facility and went to set things up with them. Well when she came back she told us that instead of putting Johnny into the altzheimers unit and getting herself an apartment she had bought a duplex for both of them in the independent living area!!! WHAT?

Well now 6 months later he passed out and had to be put into the hospital. Then the doctor wouldn't release him back to live at home. She HAD to put him in a facility. Well long story short....I know too late LOL.......there's been a bunch of hoopla and she can't put him in the place they moved to and she's not listening to anyone and making a bunch of bad decisions. Now on her way to look at another facility that's cheaper, with another aunt and uncle to help, they stopped by our house to visit.

It had taken me almost the whole 6 months to calm down again, get out of that chaotic mindset that she inspires, and get back to being me. And now after the visit, which was only a couple of hours, I'm fighting letting her pull me back into her chaos. So I drew a couple of cards.

Card #1 is What should I do right now to keep myself away from being pulled back into a chaotic mindset? I got the 5 of Wands.

That at first seemed almost like something I should NOT do, but when I look at the keywords it says "Inspired Chaos". And these people in the card are not truely fighting they are having fun. So maybe I ought to take the chaos that my aunt brings to me and use it as a fun challenge to practice keeping more inner control. I mean I don't have to let her drag me down to her level. I know that in my head, but it is much easier to say than do! If I look in the book it says "This card is meant to describe bringing order out of chaos with integrity and honor." And that is very much what I should be doing right now!!

Card #2 is What should I NOT do right now? I got Summer Warrior, another Wand. (Knight of Wands)

This Summer Warrior goes charging into almost anything. He's all energy and enthusiasum. Keyword "Enthusiastic". So I need to stay centered. Not allow myself to get all caught up in the chaos and get confused, which would lead to me not making informed decisions or reacting in ways I wouldn't normally if I allowed myself to think it through.

It's interesting that both cards were wands. And really I can't do....well I won't do....anything other than give my emotional support. My Mom and I both wore ourselves out completely by living with them for 3 years. I still love my aunt immensely, but she's very self absorbed and pretty selfish. So now that other family members have come in to help I am just staying out of it. But even having the "what I should do" card be a action card.....I'm reacting to this by saying "Not on your life!" I am NOT allowing myself to get involved like that again. Although by looking at both of these cards in mental and emotional ways (even though they're action cards) they make alot of sense. Not allow her to get me caught up in her enthusiastic chaos and dragged in with her, but let myself learn from this situation - staying calm, centered, and confident.


Sherry said...

I think you are spot on. I am very much a novice when it comes to tarot I got out of it and now trying to get back in. However, you can be an emotional support to your mom and even the other relatives as maybe letting them vent to you and providing some phone emotional support. You have to take care of yourself first so hang in there don't let her drag you down.

pangolin said...

What struck me about the first card is how the guy in the bottom corner seems to be holding back from the fray, watching the others go at it. So this could be a call to keep a bit of distance, no matter how stirred up you feel, to not join in but be an observer.

And for the 2nd card, what NOT to do, I immediately thought DON'T go charging in to battle! Kind of a reinforcement of the 1st card's message.

And that sounds exactly like where you're coming from (although like you said, it's all easier to say than to do!). It sounds like you're bringing a great attitude to a challenging situation.

Urieh aka Kilted Kat said...

I think you did a great job on your reading.

There is an awful lot of energy in this throw. Many wands indicating that passions run high could be advice that you should take a break.

Cat said...

I think your interpretation is fine. I had the 5 Wands in a similar situation and I took it as saying that there are times when you have to set your limits and stand firm ......not always easy if you're the non-confrontational type.

SwimmingInTarot said...

Ditto, ditto to all of the foregoing. There are already a pair of people going at it two-fisted, and they don't need another to make it a melee. Definitely no need to go charging in on your gryphon. What would it solve, anyhow? Beautifully, the cards speak directly to your situation and to your needs.

Roxanne / faunabay said...

I've had a couple of hours since they left and am feeling more myself already. I am keeping my distance, physically and emotionally. But sometimes I get drawn in, like today. LOL
It kind of threw me that both cards had all that fire energy. Although even with it being there it seems like I was being told to stay out of that fire. ....I'm trying. (grin)

Roxanne / faunabay said...

pangolin, I just went and had another look at the 5 of Wands and I can definitely see what you're saying about the one guy down in the corner. He seems to be staying away and letting the other two go at it without drawing him in too. Of course I like that. LOL Thank you for pointing it out.

Curious Curandera said...

This is such a nice deck! Love it!

Mouse said...

Great interp faunabay, am not participating in the PDR at present, so hope you don't mind me chiming in.

I would just add that 5s relate to the Hierophant and therefore would see this as a test for the spiritual self in how you deal with those closest to you in your community.

Very often I've found when we learn & progress on our spiritual path, we are then given tests to see how we're doing, and of course our nearest & dearest often provide the perfect arena for such tests. Sounds like you have connected very well with this deck, it's one of my favourites :)

x Mouse

Seafra said...

I love it when the 'do' and 'don't do' are both in the same suit. Gives a real compare and contrast exercise that usually gives a concise answer.

5 of Wands in this situation reminds me of the Desiderata: Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence. ....

Not a total silence, but a quietness in your soul as you go about your business. The Desiderata is found here in full if you are unfamiliar:

That Knight of Wands -- exciting but exhausting! hehe

souljourney said...

We both read your reading. We can't think of anything to add that hasn't been said already. You did a great job with your own interpretation. Seems like your aunt's "drama", "enthusiasm" might also be a bit of mania... does she get real depressed at times?

Also... don't know how much emotional or phone support you can really give in a way. That still is getting in the middle. If you can do that without trying to give advice or "help" then that would keep your boundary.

Gary Karp said...

I agree with Pangolin. The guy in the corner seems to be watching the other two play fight but he grips his wand ready to join the melee at any time. This tells me that you should hang back because the road is going to get bumpy. Observe and if, and that's a strong IF, things deterioate wher a clearer mind is needed then step in. To be that clearer mind you need to just "sit on that ostrich."

myrrha said...

Interesting about both cards being Wands. You might not be able to remove yourself entirely from the chaotic energy at this time. Great idea to look at not getting hooked into it emotinally as a fun game/challenge.